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with Relationship Speaker/Author/Coach...
Larry James


More. . .
Jokes, Funny Stories,
One-Liners!

Send us your wedding humor by e-mail and if we use it on this site we will send you a surprise by snail-mail. Be sure to include your full address.

E-mail:  WeddingHumor@CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

•    •    •

Shotgun wedding:  A case of wife or death.

•    •    •

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

•    •    •

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

•    •    •

Two active seniors lived in a mobile home park. He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known each other for several years.

One evening at the community supper in the activity center, they were seated at a table across from each other. As the meal when on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration she answered, "Yes. Yes, will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

The next morning he was troubled. "Did she say yes or did she say no?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he review the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired, "When I asked you to marry me, did you say yes or did you say no?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, Yes, I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

•    •    •

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said, "Because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish."

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline and cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.

Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety years old!

Gotta love that fairy!

•    •    •

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.  (groan!)

•    •    •

What do you call an animal with 2 wives?

A cheetah!  (groan, again!)

•    •    •

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was such a fool. No one can take your place. I love you.

All my love,
Kelly    xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

•    •    •

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

•    •    •

The wedding date was set and three of the groom's best friends, a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist, were deciding what pranks they would play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter decided that sawing the slats off their bed would give them a couple of laughs.

The electrician decided that wiring their bed with alternating current would be worth a chuckle or two.

The dentist wouldn't reveal what he had done, but wore a sly grin and promised that his prank would be a memorable one.

The wedding went as planned and a few days later, each of the groom's three friends receive a letter which read:

Dear Friends,
We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed and the electric shock was merely a minor setback. But, I am going to strangle the wise guy who put the novocaine in the vaseline!

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