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Larry James The most hotly contested battlefield in the gender wars may not necessarily be in the bedroom. It may be the bathroom. The seat-up vs. seat-down debate rages on and some interpret this as a sign of male insensitivity and overall cloddishness. Although it doesn't rate up there with the unisex restroom in the Ally McBeal television show, the signage for the toilets at one Phoenix, Arizona advertising-public relations firm is an eye-catcher. Instead of the plain old "Men" and "Women" on the politically correct male and female door signs, the restrooms entries at Cramer-Krasselt are adorned with tasteful, nearly look-alike 3-inch square photos of a toilet. There is one difference -- one has the seat up and the other has the seat down. Is someone trying to tell us something?
You will never again have to worry about experiencing the "porcelain splash" in the middle of the night! ;-) Indifference is like water to a fire. The flame of love grows dim with indifference to your partner's needs. By far the most common and important way in which you can exercise your attention to your partner is by listening. Listening is an act of love. Women can often tell a man's interest in them by the length of his attention span. It's one thing to pay attention and quite another to acknowledge her request and then remember to do it more than once without having to be reminded. She is not your mother. It is unreasonable, and a breach of trust, to deny your lover's report of her feelings. When she expresses a need, it's your responsibility to do what you can to fulfill that need. Partners who love each other make this a priority. Being attentive to your love partner's needs, regardless of what importance you may place on them, will support things going well in and out of the bedroom. Think about it. Make a list of things you know that pleases your partner and remember do them consistently. Where is it written that a man should have only one job and a woman two? Housework is not just the woman's job! If you feel that it is solely her responsibility to go about cleaning the house, paying the bills, taking care of the children, feeding the pets, emptying the trash, washing the clothes, vacuuming the carpet, getting the groceries, planning and cooking your dinner, all with great gusto, you are dead wrong! For a relationship to work, BOTH partners must give 100% all the time! It's never easy and it's possible. Taking care of what needs to be taken care of is a SHARED responsibility. Relationship enrichment can only occur when both partners work together. Reach agreement about taking out the garbage, which way the toilet paper should roll; in or out and putting the toilet seat down after you have completed your bathroom task and all the other helpful things you can do. Have them be random acts of thoughtfulness.
Intentionally add a little pizzazz to your love relationship. Do it in playful ways. Exercise your sense of humor. It enlivens your spirit, breeds happiness and causes you and the one you love to experience fully the love you feel for one another. Leave a note on the toilet seat (after you've put it down) that says, "I put the seat down because I love you, not because I should," and add a smiley face. Do things that make each other smile. Smiles and knowing nods from your lover create a sense of unity that adds longevity to your relationship.
Some final advice to women - Lest you unwittingly place your bottom directly on the porcelain, "Look before you sit!" Perhaps some of these days us guys will comprehend the complexity and significance of this relationship problem. And. . . just for grins. . . ![]()
Copyright © - Larry James. If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
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