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Celebrate Intimate Weddings

 

with Relationship Speaker/Author/Coach...
Larry James


More. . .
Jokes, Funny Stories,
One-Liners!

Send us your wedding humor by e-mail and if we use it on this site we will send you a surprise by snail-mail. Be sure to include your full address.

E-mail:  WeddingHumor@CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

•    •    •

Woman to perfume counter salesgirl: "I want my husband to pay more attention to me. Got anything that smells like a computer?"

•    •    •

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

•    •    •

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom."

"Impossible," said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"

•    •    •

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16, and your figure, 25."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...

"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.

"I haven't added them up yet!"

•    •    •

Vocabulary Lesson For Men - Words Women Use

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with '"Nothing" usually end in "Fine."

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

•    •    •

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it
2. Whenever you're right, Shut up!

•    •    •

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

•    •    •

Seen on a t-shirt:

T-shirt Imprint

•    •    •

There is a lesson to be learned from this. . .

•    •    •

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

•    •    •

Newlywed Conversation...

"Dear, don't expect the first few meals to be great. It takes time to find the right restaurant."

•    •    •


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